


Out There

by themayqueen



Category: Hanson (Band), The Moffatts
Genre: Agoraphobia, Alcohol, Angst, Drug Use, F/M, Fame, Marijuana, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Musicians, Songwriting, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-05-27
Updated: 2001-05-27
Packaged: 2019-02-14 02:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12998085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themayqueen/pseuds/themayqueen
Summary: Davey visits her best friend.





	Out There

The room was like an acid trip. When I opened the door, the scent of nag champa filled my head, taking me to another world. I could hear the song 'Layla' playing, but I couldn't pinpoint the source. In the four years I'd been visiting him, I'd never found the stereo, but a song was always playing. The walls were painted a sort of burgandy and beige color, and the lights were off. I don't recall ever being in his room when the lights were on though. If there was any light in the room, it was from a lava lamp somewhere in the corner or it had slipped through the three beaded curtains hanging over the window.

In the middle of it all, Zac sat Indian style on his bed. A cloud of smoke surrounded him and it's safe to say he was glowing a little. He didn't bother to look up when I entered the room; by now he can tell my footsteps from anyone else's and the house was empty except for us anyway.

I sat down on the bed, crossing my legs so I was sitting just like him. We spend so much time together, I think we've even started to look alike. He doesn't wash his hair that much anymore, but I don't either so it doesn't matter too much.

After a few minutes that seemed to last for hours, Zac passed me a joint. I had gotten high earlier so I shook my head. He shrugged his shoulder and brought the joint to his lips. It was then that I noticed an almost empty beer bottle sitting next to the incense. I figured it was Taylor's; Zac doesn't drink too much.

"You think I'm going crazy?" I looked up at Zac. For the first time in my life, I really saw him. Not as a friend who I could get high with and talk about anything that floated into our minds. No, this time I saw him as a stranger. He did look a little crazed, what with his long greasy hair that was bordering on longer than mine and his fiery brown eyes. He sat a little hunched over, wearing a pair of worn blue jeans and a Black Sabbath shirt I was certain hadn't been washed in three months.

He did look crazy. But how do you say that to a guy who's strong enough to through you across the room using only one arm? And so I put my answer in the form that people use when they wish to say one thing but know the person they are saying it to wishes to hear another thing.

"Zac, you've been locked in this room for months, soon it'll be a year. How do you think your brain is doing?"

He sighed and almost cracked a small grin. "Better than Taylor's. I wonder if he stops to think anymore? Stops to question what he's doing? If I didn't..." he trailed off, as he often did.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and then he finished the thought. "I would still be out there."

Out there. That's what he called the rest of the world outside his room. Out there. That's what he called the music business. Out there was a place I don't think he ever wanted to be again.

I could tell the sun was setting; the dim light was getting dimmer by the seconds or minutes. I don't really bother to keep up with time anymore. Zac walked over to the window, something I don't see him do much anymore. When we started these meetings back when he was still really famous, he would sit in the window with his notebook and write while he waited for me. One day last year, he just stopped writing.

Zac sighed and I could tell he had a lot to say but wasn't sure how to say it. Somehow, he found the words. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. And I wrote. I sat down in the window like I used to and I wrote. It kind of sucks and Taylor will surely tell me so because he always liked his writing better anyway..."

He trailed off again. He rarely ends a sentence, just trails off when his thoughts fall apart as they have a way of doing. I walked over and next to him. I put a friendly arm around him and offered a slight smile.

"But you wrote. Isn't that what you've been waiting for? To be able to write again. And you did. Be proud of that and don't give a damn what Taylor thinks. Who needs him anyway?"

Zac smiled. I don't recall seeing him smile in a long time. He could be stoned out of his mind and never once get that goofy grinning look I've seen on so many other guys faces. No, he didn't smile.

But he was smiling and I think I was too. It was such a nice feeling that I don't remember feeling in years. Then I felt something different that I've only felt once before with Zac and we were only 12 and 14 then; young and innocent. He kissed me. Just a simple kiss, or was it more? It didn't really matter either way. His lips tasted a little like beer and I knew I had guessed wrong about the empty bottle.

After the kiss, I knew our talking was done. I couldn't see any more light through the curtains so I took that as a sign to leave.

"Will you be back tomorrow?"

I smiled that same goofy grin I could see on his face and replied, "Yeah. Same time. Or later. Maybe earlier. Maybe not at all."

"Cool. And don't worry, Davey. I'll be okay. Maybe I'll even go back out there."


End file.
